Cross-posted at Naeem’s Blog

There seems to be a bothersome trend taking place in American Muslim communities. Now I can’t say how recent this is (although my hunch is that its as old as the American Muslim community), but I’ve only become aware of it in the past few months. I’m referring to the trying times that convert sisters (new and old) are going through when interacting with their local communities. This can range from social stigma of not fitting into established women cliques to marital pressures to masjid accessibility issues.

Some sisters are complaining about feeling unwelcome at local Masjid events, which I know for a fact is not a new issue. Other sisters are complaining about the complexities of finding an appropriate mahrem or wali to help them in their social affairs (be it marriage or performing Hajj). And when they do find a wali, all too often these ‘guardians’ foolishly press the sisters to get married to the nearest Muslim bachelor (who happens to either be looking for citizenship or is divorced several times over). And lets not even go into the whole polygamy issue, where many of these sisters are made to believe that their husbands can abuse them in the name of Islam.

Now I consider myself to be somewhat informed of the American Muslim scene, so I’m a bit perturbed at my cluelessness of this development. Back when I was in Baltimore, I can honestly say that this problem never reared its ugly head in the public sphere.

Were these problems being swept under the rug? Probably. Were they ignored and disregarded as being petty issues that the sisters can handle internally? Maybe. Were the men simply not interested in dealing with the drama of the ‘emotional’ women? Very likely.

I’m even more ashamed of my ignorance because I was quite active in the local masjid, even having served in the Masjid Council for 4 years, and these social issues were never once brought to our attention. In hindsight, I’m sure the problem was there and I just wasn’t privy to the inner circles of the female half of our community.

My worry is that if I was so out of the loop with regards to this serious crisis, then how many more sincere brothers and sisters are equally ignorant?

In the years of my Masjid activism, I don’t recall any serious community-wide effort to help the converts (both male and female), besides an occasional Intro to Islam class. And even less focus was given to the new sisters. If anything was done, it was on an individual basis by some experienced sisters (convert and born) who took it upon themselves to help the newcomers. But nothing was ever institutionalized.

Speaking to the brothers, we’ve all seen the sad cycle of the new Muslim brother who is warmly embraced at first and then duly neglected afterwards. After a few weeks, he’s never to be seen again. Now imagine how much more difficult it is for new sisters, who not only have the difficulty of coming to a new religion, but also have the gender cards stacked against them.

There is enough blame to go around. The brothers who are often in charge of the community affairs have neglected to address the needs of this blossoming minority. The sisters have dropped the ball in welcoming these newcomers and creating a safe space to ease their adjustment.

I admit I’ve been away from the US for over 4 years, so I may not know what is happening as far as recent community-wide efforts to tackle this specific challenge. But from the picture being painted in the Islamosphere, it doesn’t look very rosy.

One final note. I may be overstating the extent of the problem. It may be that many newly converted sisters are coping with their difficulties with respectable support from the community. After all, people rarely go online and post a blog saying, ‘Hey, look at me, everything is fine!’ – normally blogs consist of rants on personal difficulties and daily struggles.

However, I would rather err on the side of caution. How many of us can honestly say that our communities have fulfilled their responsibilities when it comes to supporting the multifaceted conundrums of our convert sisters?

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